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Premise of Lord I Feel So Small!

A significant number of adults and teens fight a daily struggle to discover their personal significance—including a surprising number of pastors and Christian leaders. They are defeated, and held in bondage by a world of lies. God created us unique, as gifted persons of great worth under his call, loved in infinite measure. Yet, because of sin and deception, we set aside our heritage. The struggle may be initiated in a childhood home by a lack of love, rejection, or demeaning evaluations. It may come from the culture of false yardsticks by which people are measured by touchdowns, org charts, or dollars. The lies flourish in our own minds, emotions, and wills, and are supplemented by an enemy who deceives us about our true worth.

How is significance related to depression?

In their classic book on depression Happiness is a Choice, Frank Minirth and Paul Meier ( ) describe the devastating emotional pain of depression. They describe symptoms that fall into five categories: sad affect (or expression and demeanor), painful thinking, physical symptoms, anxiety or agitation, and delusional thinking. In the painful thinking that accompanies depression, issues of significance often play a major role.

The book notes “As surely as a broken arm is painful physically, so the thinking of a depressed individual is painful emotionally . . . his thoughts are self-debasing. He has a negative self-concept . . . He tends to view himself as being deficient in qualities that he considers important, such as popularity, intelligence, or spiritual maturity . . . The depressed individual has an overwhelming sense of inadequacy and has feelings of worthlessness. He feels as though he is a nobody–a zero.”

Quick Summary of Lord I Feel So Small!

Can I go on? Should I give up? Is there any hope? The world’s false yardsticks demean and devastate you. Feelings of insignificance overwhelm you. Daily combat with giants such as fear, rejection, and comparison exhausts you. Lord I Feel So Small  explores twenty battlegrounds of significance to expose the lies that demean, to discover the miracle of God’s purpose, and to equip you for a life of unshakable confidence.

Why this blog?

“I was feelin’ pretty small,” said my friend, Ken, a roofer. He was battling to keep his head above water in finding his place under God’s sun, weary of measuring himself by all the false yardsticks of success, education, and accomplishment flaunted by the world’s egos. I could identify. Childhood and youth proved a daily agony of smallness and confusion. Through much of my adulthood I looked through a dark tunnel with little light at the end. For decades I thought the only contribution I could make was by giving blood. I have given over fourteen gallons. At times my battles with depression and smallness made me feel like I was in a deep pit with slippery sides, and could not climb out.

To those who face a daily desperate warfare for significance, some would say “Get over it!” When I described my struggles to a pastor at a recent conference he seemed to say “Get over it, you’re a Christian!” “What is it you don’t understand about what the Bible says?” But his quick solution did not recognize a very real human struggle and the learning curve of a person in process. The fact that the answers are all there distressed nobody more than me, but when I closed my Bible and went out the door, yardsticks flew at me from every corner. They screamed “Who are you? You’re nothing!” My grieving conclusion in High School echoed “God created me inferior. . . evidently on purpose. God loves and values me less than others. That’s just the way it is.”

My agonized cry was “Lord, I Feel So Small! Can I go on or should I give up? Is there any hope?” My daily cries and struggle initiated a search on many fronts. In this blog I will explore twenty battlegrounds that I faced in my quest for significance.

For some, both my own struggle and the truths of the Bible will seem like “therapy speak” where I am encouraging people to “feel better and better about less and less.” But I speak because though God calls each individual to a unique role of power and significance, few find it. Instead we fall prey to living by a false and blasphemous operating manual dictated by the values of the world and those around us. The disconnect stems from a warfare that damages our minds, emotions, wills, relationships, and bodies. When I was a boy the fuse box in the house had circuits that would overload, blowing the fuse, and extinguishing the lights. I long to expose the flawed connection, and for God again to connect us with His purpose and our fulfillment.

 Though what I write seems to be centered on human need, it is really a book about God. Though each chapter begins with an agonized cry in some specific arena, in each case God is the starting place, the process, and the end of the answer. My book is not the answer, but it points to the answer – God Himself as our perfect provision.

I suspect most die having never discovered their true greatness. As I have begun to discover healing, I long to release all of us to our giftedness and a life of unshakable confidence in living, because of our immovable faith in Christ.

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